hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
