i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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