Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
