the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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