Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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