Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
