Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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