Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
