my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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