Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
