did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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