I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
