Define "chronic" masturbator.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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