i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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