took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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