So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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