Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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