between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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