What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
