he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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