My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
