Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
