omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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