So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
