I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
