where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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