...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
