I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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