omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
