I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize