I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
