my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
