apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
