he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
