Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
