Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
