I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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