Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
