Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
