Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is wine microwaveable?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
