It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
