nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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