Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize