I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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