Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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