it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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