Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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