we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
