don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
