I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
