i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
