im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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