the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
