Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
