So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
