I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
