You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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