I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
