Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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