For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
