I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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