We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just pee around me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
