We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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