Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
