I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
