dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
