dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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