I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
