It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
