I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
