Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
