Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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