I will die if light touches me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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