I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize