her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
