Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
