Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
