I want to make a zoo with you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
