When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
