I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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